Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize