PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
