Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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