i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
