Im at strip club and am horny
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
