I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
