sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
