I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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