i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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