He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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