That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
