Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
