i think i have herpe
just one?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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