found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
