hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
