dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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