The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
