birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
