Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
