When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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