I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize