Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
