My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
