i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
