the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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