i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
