so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
