whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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