well I can't set my house on fire every night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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