so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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