The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
