I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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