if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
