can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
