i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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