You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
