i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
