awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
