So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
