I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
