bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
