The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
