this beer tastes like vomit already
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I deserve this hangover.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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