1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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