fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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