ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
