sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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