I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
