oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
