im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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