It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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