I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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