the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
