yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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