Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
