right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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