im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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