It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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