Already got asked if we're dating
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
