Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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