like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
