so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
