went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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