dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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