party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
