That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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