if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
