i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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