when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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