capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
