You can't motorboat a personality
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
