there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
