pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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