Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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