I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize