hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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